Return of the Virgin Ironpants.

In the medical center newsletter:



My emphasis.

how the hell does amazon make any money? we ordered a vacuum cleaner, using the free super saver shipping. it arrived in 3 days. and what's more they sent us a second one absolutely free--there's no record of it in the tracking or in our account summary/confirmation, and we've only been charged for one. now we get the pleasure of the hassle of sending it back.

I need a vacuum. Ship it to me.

You told them?

Anyway, since I have a holiday glow, the following doesn't quite qualify for the Asshole thread. On a bad day, it might.

I am at the Murray's cheese counter in Grand Central, working my way along to see what looks good. It is well staffed. "Do you need help?" someone asks. "Not yet." Further down, a different staffer asks, "Can I help you?" "Not quite ready."

Eventually I am ready, and look up to attract attention. Suddenly an In-Charge guy appears: "You need to get a number. Everybody has to get a number." Okay, I look up and there's a number indicator, set around 80. I know I'm the first person to be served, but I walk back down the counter, wind the little handle, and get the number... 10.

Poor girl who'd been ready to serve me starts calling the numbers. "Does anyone have number 81?" Pause. "Does anyone have number 82?" It's not her fault, so I tell her what I'm holding and get served. Had it been Mr "In-Charge", I'd probably have let him click all the way through.

Nigeria overtakes Ireland in Guinness sales.

not yet. i am wrestling with the moral dilemma, and also with the ethics of the pastor's daughter in the house.

Doesn't he work at Babbo at night?

Yes, that did cross my mind.

Anyone here going to Burning Man?

Yesterday in the local Chinese supermaket, I noticed a citizen of the playa (tats, piercings, triabl bone through nose, black hair extensions trailing behind her) overloading 2 shopping carts with all the durian the store had in stock.

The ladies of the cash register had no idea what to think and I could only wonder, what will her car smell like by the time she drives 10 hours in the current heat wave?

Ohmygod....

Nah: I figured this year I'd just buy the poster.

I have a former boyfriend who has gone every year since its inception. Two years ago, for the first time, he added a fiber optic heart. You really have to plan your creature comforts well and stuff to barter/share. Motorhomes are now replacing sleeping bags and tents. Windy, hot, fabulous. If you are that sort of person, of course.

Expect a Ritz-Carlton there by 2015...

A naked man* emerging from the subway station at Franklin and West Broadway.

For all the times I've said, "This is Manhattan. You could walk down Broadway naked and hardly anyone would notice," this sighting was a first for me.


*not Chambolle, I'm pretty sure

I went the very first year -- when it was on the beach and there were only 1,500 of us (give or take). I created an installation piece with LP records because the CD was the newest thing and a lot of people were giving their records away so it was an easy medium to work with and obtain. It was too big of a crowd for me then. I can't even conceive of how large it is now.

I used to go when it was at Ocean Beach, as well. The playa thing sounds like something I'd rather not do. Didn't somebody already burn the man? Kind of ironic that he got arrested.

I had never heard of Burning Man until this past winter. I had an opportunity to catch up with an friend from my childhood and in the intervening years he's gotten very into it. I'm still not quite sure what it is though.

i assume it involves sex, drugs and smelly people. two out of the three are not bad, but i expect the third are heavily involved across the board.

It all sounds quite ghastly. A very large number of people gather in a makeshift "city" in the middle of a desert*. They behave in a "pagan" sort of way for several days, which indeed involves intoxicants, nudity and probably widespread sunburn. On the last day, with an apparent lack of irony, they set fire to a large wooden figure: hence burning man.

They should all be made to watch "The Wicker Man" - the original with Edward Woodward and his Scottish accent.

That smart journalist Charlie LeDuff has a chapter on it in his recent book US Guys.

As far as I'm concerned, it's either Woodstock by other means or some kind of naked Morris Dancing, and hence abhorrent.

*I actually typed "dessert" there.

Oh God. Nightmares for sure.

I'd give a vast sum of money--well, at least a dollar--for you to attend and report in fulsome detail.

I'd give a vast sum of money--well, OK, I'll raise it to two dollars--for you to attend and report in fulsome detail.

I'll throw in a buck.

Oh great: that's SO supportive...

My entire apartment building cleared out for the weekend. I'm the only one here. A bit eerie. But kinda nice too.

This morning I was almost to work (my office is in a house on a residential street, just off a major retail street) when I saw a clearly deranged man approaching someone outside the building opposite to us. When he was rebuffed he made a beeline for me (well, as direct as he could), and held out his hand to me, crying pitifully and begging me to help him get something to eat. I handed him a dollar coin, the highest denomination coin I had, and said "here you go" or something like that. He stared at it like I'd offered him a snake, backed up, shrieked at me "THAT WON'T BUY ME SOMETHING TO EAT!" and started to stumble down the middle of the street. I stood there for a moment still holding the dollar, unable to take in what had just happened, when he stopped and let out an enormous, angry shout that shook me to my foundation. He then began a cursing rant as he moved awkwardly away. I hurriedly entered the building and when my coworkers saw my face (they had heard the noise) they thought for a moment that I had been assaulted. I don't think it was me that did it per se, AFAIK you can still buy something to eat for a buck, but apparently he wanted someone to hand him the price of a meal and was not willing to collect it in stages. I didn't know whether I should have called the authorities or not (I didn't); seemed to me they would find him soon enough.

So despite what you may have been told, beggars CAN be choosers.

Oh my goodness! What an unpleasant and scary experience! If you see him again outside your office, you should call the police.

Bill Clinton is putting in an appearance at the Union Square B&N this evening. I saw people lined up at 7:30 yesterday evening.

That jogged a memory, although hardly as disturbing.

On a showery summer day, I was having lunch at a place on Varick St. that had sidewalk tables and was open to the air. It was too damp to enjoy patio dining (and Varick St. isn't all that fabulous just there), so I sat inside. Two women did lunch outside, though, and when one of them went to the loo, I was reminded why dining al fresco in the city isn't always swell. The woman who stayed at the table was approached by a man who asked for her help toward a plate of food. He was quite insistent and his demand was quite specific. Four dollars. She was flustered, groping in her bag, when her partner returned. The man seemed to see his opportunity shift and backed off, calling her "baby" and saying he didn't mean any harm. But it was a little creepy.

I miss that restaurant. Mirchi. They had the best lamb tak-tak and potato samosa chaat I have ever had.

I don't miss that panhandler, though.

That was a good Indian and the setting of the final act of the first eGullet get together.

Hey, I'll throw in a buck or two myself, but I'd leave Munchkin at home. Burning Man is what divides creativity from all societal strictures. It takes the true hippie spirit for participation and as all hippy things ended up, rules eventually rule. It is the only truly illegal gathering with permits that I know of. Spend some time at their website for last weekend's burnout.

make sure you give more than a dollar.

I was flipping channels on TV last night and lighted on a 1960s episode of The Andy Griffith Show, in progress.

The episode involved an infant whom the stork had dropped on the sheriff's doorstep. The young, thin, attractive dad turned out to be Jack Nicholson. The unmistakable voice shook me out of out mild slumber. Even then, he could steal a scene...

Item #47

OMG! (I have a feeling Opie knows what's going on.)

he also played the kooky beatnick brother of Barbra Streisand in On a clear day you can see forever!

Mircrowaved popcorn diesease
"The man told Dr. Rose that he had eaten microwave popcorn at least twice a day for more than 10 years.

When he broke open the bags, after the steam came out, he would often inhale the fragrance because he liked it so much, Dr. Rose said. That heated diacetyl, which we know from the worker studies is the highest risk.

Dr. Rose measured levels of diacetyl in the man's home after he made popcorn and found levels of the chemical were similar to those in microwave popcorn plants. She asked the man to stop eating microwave popcorn."

Standing third in line at the pharmacy a few minutes ago I overhear the man at the window requesting another prescription for antibiotic eyedrops. "The windstorm on the Playa at Burning Man was the worst they had ever seen." The little old lady standing between us asked, "What is Burning Man?" I leaned over and told her she didn't want to know because everyone is nekkid there. The guy turned, smiled at me and said, "and such spiritual experiences." Hope his eyes heal.

I once got a router shipped out from Amazon after I cancelled the order. I called them twice and each time they said they would email me a return label. They didn't. I called a third time and the guy said not to worry about it.

Joan and I caravaned in our pick ups to the bean fields today to pick up new beans (including cranberries TO DIE FOR!!!!) and we notice lots of police and sheriffs and such and even a helicopter. As we pull into the barns, there are three cops cars and a K-9! The place was swarming. It turns out a three strikes suspect was loose and the whole place was looking for him. They couldn't find him, including the dog, so we loaded up and before you know it there were at least 4 or 5 police cars back looking for the guy. Very exciting! But a wee bit surreal in the flats of Stockton.

We drove all that way and it turns out the people we are meeting hail from the same part of Italy as my entire family, we're practically related, and all RG mentions is the big manhunt.

Yes, it was fascinating watching you three all cite different Italian names for 30 minutes in humid, 103 degree heat.
"Plotzini?"
"No. But Bergomimi!"
"No."
"Salavetti?"
"I think. One T or 2?"
"Hmmmm"

ZZZzzzzzz..........

Yesterday morning the phone rang at 7:20 am and rudely woke me. Blovie (who was awake) answered and woman asked in a confrontational voice to speak with me. She said her caller id box listed my number and she wanted to know who I was. When Blovie demurred she got nasty and hung up. Now, Blovie did inadvertently dial a wrong number on Sunday, but doesn't the box just show the number? Which means she took the time to reverse directory me to get my name. Women who do shit like that scare me.

What makes this surreal is it's hard enough to get people you want to speak with to return calls and this psycho actually hunted me down. (FWIW, Blovie thinks it was a jealous wife/girlfriend checking her man's phone)

If this mother really killed her daughter, then the parents are one sick pair. They even had an audience with the pope in an attempt to get the child back after a so-called kidnapping.

Your beans are grown in Stockton? All I see on the package is Napa. I can't believe I paid $4.95 a pound for Stockton beans.

The amount of food served at an Italian-American wedding. There were about 100 guests, but there must have been enough food for 3x that number.

My first Venetian(?) dessert spread. I don't think any of the desserts were actually Venetian.

Some people actually have conversations that help them learn about the other person, their history and their lives at present. Not everyone just breaks out in show tunes and a choreographed dance.

At least they are not from China.

I received my Sunset Magazine gift subscription notice in the mail. The only three gift subscriptions it suggested that I renew were for three people with whom I no longer have a relationship. Follow that up with going on-line to pay my phone bill and there's a number listed on my account that I have no idea who it really belongs to. I tried calling the number, no answer, and can't find a listing in the on-line reverse directory. I have apparently entered the Twilight Zone. Hope it's only a half hour episode.