Full Version: The surrealism of everyday life
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| QUOTE (akiko @ Mar 22 2005, 04:44 AM) |
| Me: "I see, but your Roppongi branch serves non-Japanese customers?" Sukiyabashi Jiro: "Yes, please allow me give you the number." He gives me the number. I forgot that when I return to Japan I'm going to be re-entering the twilight zone.  |
Oddly, the one place in Tokyo that would not take us was a chinese restaurant in Roppongi Hills.
| QUOTE (akiko @ Mar 22 2005, 02:44 AM) |
| Sukiyabashi Jiro: "May I enquire if you are Japanese?" (I think my name stumped him) |
presumably it is legal in japan for an establishment to be for japanese citizens only. i take it there aren't very many non-ethnic japanese japanese citizens? or would it also be legal for them to say only for "ethnic japanese" who "sound japanese"?
| QUOTE (mongo_jones @ Mar 22 2005, 07:19 PM) | ||
presumably it is legal in japan for an establishment to be for japanese citizens only. i take it there aren't very many non-ethnic japanese japanese citizens? or would it also be legal for them to say only for "ethnic japanese" who "sound japanese"? |
Sat down in my local pho shop for a lunch of some nice hot soup on a cold and rainy day.
Sat through a muzak version of "Guantanamera". Followed by "Killing Me Softly".
Sat through a muzak version of "Guantanamera". Followed by "Killing Me Softly".
A helpful email from Yvette Banks.
| QUOTE |
| A Genuine College Degree in 2 weeks! Have you ever thought that the only thing stopping you from a great job and better pay was a few letters behind you name? Well now you can get them! BA BSc MA MSc MBA PhD Within 2 weeks! No study Required! 100% Verifiable! These are real, genuine degrees that include Bachelors, Masters and Doctorate degrees. They are verifiable and student records and transcripts are available. |
I get these all the time, along with offers to give me a larger sexual organ. But I already have a doctorate.
| QUOTE (Wilfrid @ Mar 25 2005, 01:15 PM) |
| I get these all the time, along with offers to give me a larger sexual organ. But I already have a doctorate. |
yes, i have a phd and it hasn't led to good pay for me. plus the herbal viagra isn't working either.
I've seen similar things before but nothing with the chutzpah of that "Genuine".
| QUOTE (Wilfrid @ Mar 25 2005, 03:15 PM) |
| I get these all the time, along with offers to give me a larger sexual organ. But I already have a doctorate. |
In my experience, the doctorate is more likely to give men a bigger head above the shirt collar, not below the belt.
JPW, PhD
I got a "Piled Higher and Deeper" award at a bulshitting contest once. Does that count? 
| QUOTE (winesonoma @ Mar 25 2005, 04:32 PM) |
| I got a "Piled Higher and Deeper" award at a bulshitting contest once. Does that count? |
That would be a BSh.
Hip Hop is apparently big in Israel right now, leading to some peculiar results.
"All the girls are shaking their tusik
Spinning and spinning their pupik..."
"All the girls are shaking their tusik
Spinning and spinning their pupik..."
Procedures for renewing your visa in the U.S. Embassy in Tel-Aviv
Come at 7pm to get your name on the list
Return at midnight
Return at 3am
Return at 7am to get a number
Return around noon
Return at 3pm to pick up passport
I'm not making this up.
Come at 7pm to get your name on the list
Return at midnight
Return at 3am
Return at 7am to get a number
Return around noon
Return at 3pm to pick up passport
I'm not making this up.
Saturday morning I went to a diner with 3 friends for omelets and Bloody Mary's. This is a place we go to once or twice almost every weekend, so the staff is familiar with us, but we are not on a "first-name" basis with any of them.
As she was clearing our table, our server started telling us about a cleansing diet she had recently done, which included oral enemas.
She asked us: "have any of you ever done an enema?"
She has a very loud voice, so I am sure other patrons could hear her.
Then she proceeded to tell us that the oral enemas she was using made her defecate so forcefully that she had it "smeared on her back."
And then (I am not kidding) she brought us a free warm brownie. With RediWhip.
As she was clearing our table, our server started telling us about a cleansing diet she had recently done, which included oral enemas.
She asked us: "have any of you ever done an enema?" She has a very loud voice, so I am sure other patrons could hear her.
Then she proceeded to tell us that the oral enemas she was using made her defecate so forcefully that she had it "smeared on her back."
And then (I am not kidding) she brought us a free warm brownie. With RediWhip.
| QUOTE (NeroW @ Mar 28 2005, 06:27 PM) |
| And then (I am not kidding) she brought us a free warm brownie. With RediWhip. |
was this administered orally or rectally?
A cat food commercial with Etta James doing "At Last."
| QUOTE (mongo_jones @ Mar 28 2005, 09:13 PM) | ||
was this administered orally or rectally? |
Q: What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
A: Flavor
Will somebody please tell me what an ORAL enema is? What the fuck?
| QUOTE (Al Dented @ Mar 29 2005, 04:19 AM) | ||||
Q: What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? A: Flavor Will somebody please tell me what an ORAL enema is? What the fuck? |
I guess an oral enema is something you can drink or eat that makes you go poop. In her case, the oral enemas were called "Master Cleanse." Composed of 2 different drinks: one spring water, maple syrup, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper, and the other one just spring water and sea salt. You are supposed to fast, meditate, drink those drinks, and poop. For a week. She said the cayenne pepper "keeps you warm." As you starve, I suppose.
| QUOTE (NeroW @ Mar 27 2005, 10:34 AM) | ||||||
I guess an oral enema is something you can drink or eat that makes you go poop. In her case, the oral enemas were called "Master Cleanse." Composed of 2 different drinks: one spring water, maple syrup, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper, and the other one just spring water and sea salt. You are supposed to fast, meditate, drink those drinks, and poop. For a week. She said the cayenne pepper "keeps you warm." As you starve, I suppose. |
Dis she mean laxative? Otherwise it would take a lot of tubing to give you and enema, starting from the mouth.
| QUOTE (Adam @ Mar 29 2005, 01:13 PM) | ||||||||
Dis she mean laxative? Otherwise it would take a lot of tubing to give you and enema, starting from the mouth. |
I don't really care what she meant
It was surreal to have my server tell me about her BMs right after I finished my feta cheese omelet.
On second thoughts I be if you got the pressure right and had a tight enough seal, you could get an oral enema starting from the south.....
Still it is an odd conversation point, but I have heard that it is a very liberating experieince, so maybe that is it.
Still it is an odd conversation point, but I have heard that it is a very liberating experieince, so maybe that is it.
Meeting a couple from Scotland who are vegans & giving them advice on where to eat in New York. I imagine being a vegan in Scotland must be tough.
It's tough to be anything in Scotland other than a sheep.
| QUOTE (StephanieL @ Mar 27 2005, 12:26 PM) |
| Meeting a couple from Scotland who are vegans & giving them advice on where to eat in New York. I imagine being a vegan in Scotland must be tough. |
The Scottish vegan I know eats bacon.
| QUOTE (g.johnson @ Mar 29 2005, 10:10 AM) |
| It's tough to be anything in Scotland other than a sheep. |
And even the sheep have to watch their backs. The ewes, anyway.
Waiting in line at Di Palo's I watched a Latino guy sell parmesan and proscuitto to an elderly Chinese woman
16 police cars, with lights and sirens, processing in a line up 1st Avenue.
One of our techs has left. He was worried about terrorism in New York. So he's emigrated to Israel.
| QUOTE (g.johnson @ Mar 29 2005, 05:44 PM) |
| One of our techs has left. He was worried about terrorism in New York. So he's emigrated to Israel. |
| QUOTE (g.johnson @ Mar 29 2005, 05:44 PM) |
| One of our techs has left. He was worried about terrorism in New York. So he's emigrated to Israel. |
Realizing this is a food site: frying pan? fire?
| QUOTE (Al Dented @ Mar 28 2005, 08:19 PM) | ||||
Q: What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? A: Flavor Will somebody please tell me what an ORAL enema is? What the fuck? |
Drinking enough to shit your pants.
Celebrity birthdays for the week of April 3-9:
April 3: Actress-singer Doris Day is 81. Actress Marsha Mason is 63. Singer Wayne Newton is 63. Singer Billy Joe Royal is 63. Singer Tony Orlando is 61. Singer Richard Thompson is 56. Guitarist Mick Mars of Motley Crue is 49. Actor Alec Baldwin is 47. Actor David Hyde Pierce (``Frasier'') is 46. Comedian-actor Eddie Murphy is 44. Singer-guitarist Mike Ness of Social Distortion is 43. Singer Sebastian Bach (Skid Row) is 37. Actress Jennie Garth (``Beverly Hills, 90210'') is 33. Actress Amanda Bynes is 19.
April 4: Actor Craig T. Nelson is 61. Actress Christine Lahti (``Chicago Hope'') is 55. Singer Steve Gatlin of the Gatlin Brothers is 54. Writer-producer David E. Kelley is 49. Actor Hugo Weaving is 45. Bassist Craig Adams of the Cult is 43. Actor Robert Downey Jr. is 40. Actress Nancy McKeon is 39. Country singer Clay Davidson is 34. Singer Jill Scott is 33. Bassist Magnus Sveningsson of The Cardigans is 33. Magician David Blaine is 32. Singer Kelly Price is 32. Singer Andre Dalyrimple of Soul for Real is 31. Actor Heath Ledger is 26. Actress Natasha Lyonne is 26.
April 5: Impressionist-actor Frank Gorshin is 72. Actor Michael Moriarty is 64. Actor Max Gail (``Barney Miller'') is 62. Actress Jane Asher is 59. Singer Agnetha Faltskog of Abba is 55. Guitarist Mike McCready of Pearl Jam is 40. Country singer Troy Gentry of Montgomery Gentry is 38. Singer Paula Cole is 37. Country singer Pat Green is 33. Rapper-producer Pharrell Williams is 32.
April 6: Actor Ivan Dixon (``Hogan's Heroes'') is 74. Country singer Merle Haggard is 68. Actor Billy Dee Williams is 68. Actor Roy Thinnes (``The Invaders'') is 67. Actor John Ratzenberger (``Cheers'') is 58. Actress Marilu Henner (``Taxi,'' ``Evening Shade'') is 53. Actress Ari Meyers (``Kate & Ally'') is 36. Actor Paul Rudd is 36. Actor Jason Hervey (``The Wonder Years'') is 33. Bassist Markku Lappalainen of Hoobastank is 32. Actor Zach Braff is 30. Actress Candace Cameron (``Full House'') is 29.
April 7: Sitar player Ravi Shankar is 85. Actor James Garner is 77. Actor Wayne Rogers (``M.A.S.H.'') is 72. Singer Charlie Thomas of The Drifters is 68. Movie director Francis Ford Coppola is 66. TV personality David Frost is 66. Singer Patricia Bennett of The Chiffons is 58. Singer John Oates of Hall and Oates is 56. Singer Janis Ian is 54. Drummer Bruce Gary (The Knack) is 53. Actor Jackie Chan is 51. Actor Russell Crowe is 41. Singer Mark Kibble of Take 6 is 41. Actor Bill Bellamy (``Fastlane'') is 40.
April 8: Comedian Shecky Greene is 79. Singer J.J. Jackson is 64. Guitarist Steve Howe of Yes is 58. Bassist Mel Schacher of Grand Funk Railroad is 54. Singer-actor John Schneider is 45. Guitarist Izzy Stradlin (Guns N' Roses) is 43. Singer-guitarist Donita Sparks of L7 is 42. Singer Julian Lennon is 42. Rapper Biz Markie is 41. Actress Robin Wright Penn is 39. Actress Patricia Arquette is 37. Singer Craig Honeycutt of Everything is 35. Drummer Darren Jessee (Ben Folds Five) is 34. Actor Taran Noah Smith (``Home Improvement'') is 21.
April 9: Actress Michael Learned (``The Waltons'') is 66. Actor Dennis Quaid is 51. Humorist Jimmy Tingle (''60 Minutes II'') is 50. Country guitarist Dave Innis of Restless Heart is 46. Actress-model Paulina Porizkova is 40. Actress Cynthia Nixon (``Sex and the City'') is 39. Singer Kevin Martin of Candlebox is 36. Actress Keshia Knight Pulliam (``The Cosby Show'') is 26. Guitarist Albert Hammond Jr. of The Strokes is 25. Singer-actor Jesse McCartney (``Summerland'') is 18. Actress Kristen Stewart (``Panic Room'') is 15.
April 3: Actress-singer Doris Day is 81. Actress Marsha Mason is 63. Singer Wayne Newton is 63. Singer Billy Joe Royal is 63. Singer Tony Orlando is 61. Singer Richard Thompson is 56. Guitarist Mick Mars of Motley Crue is 49. Actor Alec Baldwin is 47. Actor David Hyde Pierce (``Frasier'') is 46. Comedian-actor Eddie Murphy is 44. Singer-guitarist Mike Ness of Social Distortion is 43. Singer Sebastian Bach (Skid Row) is 37. Actress Jennie Garth (``Beverly Hills, 90210'') is 33. Actress Amanda Bynes is 19.
April 4: Actor Craig T. Nelson is 61. Actress Christine Lahti (``Chicago Hope'') is 55. Singer Steve Gatlin of the Gatlin Brothers is 54. Writer-producer David E. Kelley is 49. Actor Hugo Weaving is 45. Bassist Craig Adams of the Cult is 43. Actor Robert Downey Jr. is 40. Actress Nancy McKeon is 39. Country singer Clay Davidson is 34. Singer Jill Scott is 33. Bassist Magnus Sveningsson of The Cardigans is 33. Magician David Blaine is 32. Singer Kelly Price is 32. Singer Andre Dalyrimple of Soul for Real is 31. Actor Heath Ledger is 26. Actress Natasha Lyonne is 26.
April 5: Impressionist-actor Frank Gorshin is 72. Actor Michael Moriarty is 64. Actor Max Gail (``Barney Miller'') is 62. Actress Jane Asher is 59. Singer Agnetha Faltskog of Abba is 55. Guitarist Mike McCready of Pearl Jam is 40. Country singer Troy Gentry of Montgomery Gentry is 38. Singer Paula Cole is 37. Country singer Pat Green is 33. Rapper-producer Pharrell Williams is 32.
April 6: Actor Ivan Dixon (``Hogan's Heroes'') is 74. Country singer Merle Haggard is 68. Actor Billy Dee Williams is 68. Actor Roy Thinnes (``The Invaders'') is 67. Actor John Ratzenberger (``Cheers'') is 58. Actress Marilu Henner (``Taxi,'' ``Evening Shade'') is 53. Actress Ari Meyers (``Kate & Ally'') is 36. Actor Paul Rudd is 36. Actor Jason Hervey (``The Wonder Years'') is 33. Bassist Markku Lappalainen of Hoobastank is 32. Actor Zach Braff is 30. Actress Candace Cameron (``Full House'') is 29.
April 7: Sitar player Ravi Shankar is 85. Actor James Garner is 77. Actor Wayne Rogers (``M.A.S.H.'') is 72. Singer Charlie Thomas of The Drifters is 68. Movie director Francis Ford Coppola is 66. TV personality David Frost is 66. Singer Patricia Bennett of The Chiffons is 58. Singer John Oates of Hall and Oates is 56. Singer Janis Ian is 54. Drummer Bruce Gary (The Knack) is 53. Actor Jackie Chan is 51. Actor Russell Crowe is 41. Singer Mark Kibble of Take 6 is 41. Actor Bill Bellamy (``Fastlane'') is 40.
April 8: Comedian Shecky Greene is 79. Singer J.J. Jackson is 64. Guitarist Steve Howe of Yes is 58. Bassist Mel Schacher of Grand Funk Railroad is 54. Singer-actor John Schneider is 45. Guitarist Izzy Stradlin (Guns N' Roses) is 43. Singer-guitarist Donita Sparks of L7 is 42. Singer Julian Lennon is 42. Rapper Biz Markie is 41. Actress Robin Wright Penn is 39. Actress Patricia Arquette is 37. Singer Craig Honeycutt of Everything is 35. Drummer Darren Jessee (Ben Folds Five) is 34. Actor Taran Noah Smith (``Home Improvement'') is 21.
April 9: Actress Michael Learned (``The Waltons'') is 66. Actor Dennis Quaid is 51. Humorist Jimmy Tingle (''60 Minutes II'') is 50. Country guitarist Dave Innis of Restless Heart is 46. Actress-model Paulina Porizkova is 40. Actress Cynthia Nixon (``Sex and the City'') is 39. Singer Kevin Martin of Candlebox is 36. Actress Keshia Knight Pulliam (``The Cosby Show'') is 26. Guitarist Albert Hammond Jr. of The Strokes is 25. Singer-actor Jesse McCartney (``Summerland'') is 18. Actress Kristen Stewart (``Panic Room'') is 15.
Do I have to buy presents for all these folks?
| QUOTE (hollywood @ Mar 30 2005, 03:48 PM) |
| Do I have to buy presents for all these folks? |
The Brondell Swash 600 is the current gift of choice for celebs.
| QUOTE (Ron Johnson @ Mar 30 2005, 12:49 PM) | ||
The Brondell Swash 600 is the current gift of choice for celebs. |
Where's the flush emoticon?
There's a book entitled Alzheimer's For Dummies.
a commercial for the DVD of Closer described it as "a love story for adults."
| QUOTE (hollywood @ Mar 30 2005, 03:27 PM) |
| There's a book entitled Alzheimer's For Dummies. |
That was written for me and was not to be published yet.
I've been invited to join AARP.
An 80-something year old woman with severe dementia has just been diagnosed with some sort of reproductive cancer. Her family are opting for a complete hysterectomy for her.
Yahoo! headline: Terry Schiavo relatives fight over burial. No shit!
That poor woman. Can't they just leave her the fuck alone?
Was I the last to know that the heart attack that brought on her brain damage as most likely the result of low potassium in her system – a condition most often attributed to bulimia?
Godspeed, Terri.
Was I the last to know that the heart attack that brought on her brain damage as most likely the result of low potassium in her system – a condition most often attributed to bulimia?
Godspeed, Terri.
Did it strike anyone but me bizarre that yesterday afternoon's NYTimes-online top headlines were:
U.S. Appeals Court Refuses to Review Schiavo Case
and
Pope Receiving Food Through Nasal Tube
God bless them both.
U.S. Appeals Court Refuses to Review Schiavo Case
and
Pope Receiving Food Through Nasal Tube
God bless them both.
| QUOTE (GG Mora @ Mar 30 2005, 12:29 AM) |
| Was I the last to know that the heart attack that brought on her brain damage as most likely the result of low potassium in her system – a condition most often attributed to bulimia? |
And anorexia.
Frantic call this evening from the old man in complete hyper-ventilating panic, as is his wont. Informs me gravely that something is dreadfully wrong with sister. Newly single she is travelling on her own with daughter. Father has called her and got some weird goobledygook and then promptly receives 2 calls from her mobile with nothing but background noise. As a result he is convinced she has been kidnapped by Basque terrorists or worse. I have to explain at length how calls can be made by accident from mobile phones and he patently disbelieves me. Of course that turns out to be what happened: sister at the wheel uses daughter as receptionist who gets in a muddle, presses all kinds of buttons, ends up connecting with somebody completely different...
Uffa
v
Uffa
v
My doctor has recommended that I consult an orthopod who specializes in sports medicine about my knees. Those familiar with my habitus and habits will find this deeply bizarre.
Was that last Friday? Check the calendar.
The "Eternity Hair Salon" on my block has closed for good.
Heard Moby on Jonesy's Jukebox yesterday. He did a live acoustic version of "Satellite of Love." Not bad but for the fact that he simply cannot sing.
Never held back Uncle Lou.
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